As I talked about in the blog on Parental Alienation, people who are willing to use their children as pawns to get what they want are more likely to suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). BPD is a disorder that causes people to lack empathy, be impulsive, take unnecessary risks, and engage in self harm. It can be hard to live with someone with Borderline Personality Disorder. It can be even harder to deal with them when a relationship is dissolving. Here are some tips on how to face the lies and attacks you are likely to suffer if you are in a fight with someone with BPD.
People with BPD want to make you feel helpless. They will work hard to make sure that nothing you do works. If you are in the middle of a divorce, this may happen by them making insincere overtures of being willing to work together to divide property or the custody of your children. Then when you try to make an offer, it is immediately rejected. Don’t let this throw you off guard. They aren’t looking for a better offer, they want to make you feel helpless and remind you that they are in control and have the power. Don’t let yourself get caught up in these games. Work sincerely, but hold your ground and don’t try to negotiate a compromise.
They also like to make you feel guilty. They may try to gaslight you into believing you did something wrong. Or they may make you feel like you didn’t do enough, or that you should stand by them because of their mental illness. Don’t fall for it. It’s not your fault and nothing you do can fix them.
Finally, they like to show their control by making you mad. Anyone in a relationship learns their partner’s buttons. But someone with BPD likes to push them just to show they can. They win when you react. Learn to let it go and walk away. You’ll be happier and healthier when you put them and their behaviors behind you.