You’ve finally managed to get out of a bad relationship with a narcissist. You’re finally starting to feel better and can actually work on boosting your self-esteem again. All the hard times are over now – or so it seems. As if dealing with a narcissist wasn’t bad enough, now you have to face their flying monkeys.
You might be wondering what in the world I’m talking about. Think of the Wicked Witch of the West in the Wizard of Oz. Instead of directly doing everything herself, the witch would send out flying monkeys to do all of her dirty work for her. Now the term “flying monkeys” has been picked up by psychologists and is what they call those who basically do all the deeds of the narcissist for them.
But why would someone want to act as a minion for a narcissist? Narcissists are very manipulative and good at turning things around to make them seem like the victim. The flying monkey might not even realize what they are doing at the time. They might be tricked into believing that they are simply helping a friend out. Just like the flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, they probably wish to be freed too, once they realize what is happening. So don’t blame the person acting as the flying monkey, blame the narcissist that is controlling them.
Flying monkeys can be manipulated into doing a variety of things to harm you. This includes spying, gossiping, and even coming at you directly. If you think you have a person or people acting as a flying monkey towards you, there are a few things that you can do.
If you believe that the person that is acting as a flying monkey is being controlled and manipulated, you can try simply talking to them. Explain the situation of how you were being abused by the narcissist, and that they don’t have to be controlled by them either. Let your voice be heard too, and let them hear both sides of the situation. Don’t get upset though if they get defensive. Chances are, they just aren’t ready to get help yet. Realizing that they are now being abused is something that they will have to come to on their own in order to receive help.
If you know you have flying monkeys spying and stalking your social media accounts, simply make your accounts private. If they are actively coming after you with messages, posts, or anything else, report it and block them for your own sake.
If you know people are gossiping about you, the best thing that you can do is keep your head up and don’t let it get to you. Dispel rumors that do come your way, but don’t make things worse by spreading some of your own about the other person.
Dealing with a narcissist is hard work, and it doesn’t help when it seems like the trouble just never goes away. But keep moving forward and don’t give up, because it all gets better in the long run.