Could it be Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse might be more common than you think. 1 in every 4 women report having been victims of some sort of domestic violence, but although women are more commonly abused by men, men have had their share of abuse as well. 1 in every 7 men deals with the same thing. These numbers might be higher, as only about 70% of all domestic violence cases are actually reported to law enforcement officials. To make matters even worse, most of these reports are violent acts such as hitting and punching. But abuse goes further than just that. Here are 5 different types of domestic abuse to watch out for:


Physical – Physical abuse can be more than just punching and slapping. It also includes shoving, biting, pinching, and even denying them medical care or forcing them to use drugs or alcohol.


Sexual – Any sexual act without the woman’s consent is considered sexual abuse. Forcing unwanted sex is still rape, even if you’re married.


Emotional – constant criticism, name-calling, putting them down to ruin their self esteem, and even trying to ruin their relationship with their children are all considered emotional abuse.


Economic – Trying to control all the finances, not allowing the other any access to money, and preventing them from going to work or school is in fact, a form of abuse, and one that is easily overlooked.


Psychological – They don’t have to take physical action for it to be considered abuse. Intimidation such as threats of physical violence to them, themselves, or the children are all forms of psychological abuse, as well as forced isolation and destruction of property.


If you or someone else you know is experiencing domestic abuse, you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; 800.621.HOPE (4673), the Rape and Sexual Assault Hotline; 212.227.3000, or the Crime Victims Hotline; 866.689.HELP (4357). If you’re unsure which number you should call, you can just call the TDD phone number for all hotlines; 866.604.5350.

On Dealing With A Narcissist

Abusers come in all shapes and sizes. They can be men or women, gay or straight, young or old. But one thing that many abusers share is that they are narcissists.


Narcissism is a psychological disorder that shows itself through extreme selfishness, cravings for admiration, and a grandiose view of oneself and one’s talents. It arises from a self-centeredness that comes from a failure to distinguish yourself from external objects. Narcissists see everything revolving around themselves. They believe they are more important than anything or anyone else and that they should be idealized.  


Most narcissists know that they can’t be quite as special as they believe.  In fact, they can hide a deep shame. They know they don’t live up to the idealized image they have of themselves. It’s this shame and the destructive coping mechanisms they use to cover it, that make narcissists so abusive.


So how do you know if you’re being abused by a narcissist? The following are 10 signs that your abuser is narcissist.


  1. Manipulation – Manipulation is controlling someone in an indirect way. It could be through something negative, like guilt, or it could even be through something positive, like a compliment. Either way, manipulation leaves you with a feeling of hostile intent or being degraded.
  2. Lying – Narcissists are great liars. They believe that they are the most important person in the world, so if they want something, they think they have the right to lie to get it.
  3. Verbal abuse – Narcissists don’t always become physically violent.  They like to use verbal abuse like belittling, shaming, blaming, and threatening to get their way. And they do it a lot.
  4. Gaslighting – Gaslighting is when someone intentionally tries to make you question your grasp on reality.  Narcissists like to use this to make you doubt your perception of reality or even make you think you’re mentally ill. It allows them to control you and deny their own behaviors that you’ve experience first hand.
  5. Sabotage – Narcissists will work hard to sabotage your success and happiness, even if it has nothing to do with them. This is because they have to feel like they are the best and most important. If you have some success and happiness in your life, they can perceive it as a threat. Rather than work harder on their own life, they tear you down.
  6. Withholding – Because narcissists need to feel important, they like to remind you of how much you need them. They often do this through withholding – they may withhold sex or money or attention or affection. The point is to make you feel like you need them.
  7. No privacy – If they are the center of the universe, a narcissist can’t accept that you may have boundaries or parts of your life that are not about them.  So they do not want you to have any privacy. They may expect you to share passwords and even GPS locations at all times with them.
  8. Competition – While competition can be fun and bring people together, narcissists use it to establish their own importance and dominance. They have to compete all the time, on big things and small. And they are willing to cheat to always win.
  9. Slander – Narcissists aren’t afraid of spreading nasty rumors or tearing other people down to make themselves seem important.
  10. Isolation – Narcissists want you to give them all of your attention.  You can’t do that if you have other friends and family taking up your time. So narcissists want to isolate you and keep you all to themselves.


Dealing with abuse at the hands of a narcissist can be traumatic.  If you think this may be you, reach out and get help so you can end the abuse and begin healing.