What You Should Know About The Express With Gary Alan

As many of you have probably already heard, I’m going to be on The Express Radio Show with my good friend, Gary Alan, on April 28th. If you haven’t heard, be sure to tune in to 880 The Biz at 5 pm ET this Sunday!

 

When you listen to The Express, you will hear Gary Alan talk about all sorts of interesting topics, from entertainment and sports to all things business. He has been in the radio business for a long time, and he really knows what he’s doing. He has studied Broadcast Journalism at the University of Miami and TV/Radio Broadcasting at Miami Dade College. He knows how to keep the conversations honest and professional while also being fun and entertaining at the same time.

 

Now, he wants to interview me about my experiences with PTSD and dealing with people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I could not be more excited!

 

We’re going to be discussing some serious and relatable topics, and I’ll even let you in on some secrets and give you a bit of advice! I’m really glad to be able to share with you through this blog, but now you can get the real inside scoop when you tune in with Gary Alan and me on April 28th at 5 pm on 880 The Biz!

 

You can always catch Gary Alan on the radio every Sunday from 5 to 6 pm, and this Sunday, you’ll get to catch us both! That’s some pretty exciting news and something that you won’t want to miss out on.

Could Mental Illness be the Cause of your Divorce?

We now live in a world where divorces are a common event, and unfortunately, it occurs more now than it ever has before. You might think that your divorce was only caused by falling out of love or some conflict between the two of you that could never be resolved, and while these are common causes for divorce, you might be interested to hear that it could have all been influenced by you or your partner’s mental health state.

 

At some point in our lives, we all face difficult times. Stress can cause lots of problems in all areas of your life, and that includes your marriage. It can bring on mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, and more. Any one of those things can make you foggy-headed and irritable, making it more difficult to communicate the issues that you’re facing. When this happens, you might find yourself getting upset and arguing with your spouse more and more often. Regardless of whether it is you, your spouse, or both that is struggling, it’s no doubt that when stress levels are high, the tension between others grows more too.

 

Sometimes though, we later find out that the mental health issues were not caused by stress or trauma alone, but by a personality disorder such as narcissism or borderline personality disorder. Being married to someone with those kinds of mental health issues can be a real and constant challenge.

 

If you are the one suffering from any sort of mental health issues, the best thing to do is to try to get some professional help. It can be hard for your spouse to have to handle everything all on their own, and they shouldn’t have to.

 

If you are the one supporting a spouse that is struggling, just remember to be calm, patient, and understanding with them, but do not accept any sort of abuse. Your partner is likely going through some difficult stuff and could use all the support that they can get. Give them your shoulder to lean on, but don’t let them drag you down either.

 

If both of you are dealing with stressful situations or have experienced trauma together, you might want to consider getting couples therapy or marriage counseling. It can be difficult to be a support for someone else when you need lots of support too, and marriage counseling can go a long way in ensuring that there is proper communication going on about each other’s needs.

 

If you have suffered through a divorce that was caused by mental illness, regardless of whether it was you, them, or the both of you that were going through a rough time, just know that it is not your fault.

 

A lot of things can happen to you in this life that you have no control over. But you can control how you deal with it. There are a lot of things that you alone simply cannot fix, and it is important that you don’t dwell on those things. Instead, focus on yourself. Your only responsibility now is to focus on growing stronger and getting better. You are strong and capable of achieving anything you set your mind to!

Are Narcissists Incurable?

Are narcissists incurable? It’s a question that man of us must ask ourselves when faced with the dilemma of having a loved one in our lives who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s a question that we may not actually want the answer to, because it’s more complicated than it seems. So what is it that makes a narcissist seem so incurable? Lack of reasoning and feeling, plus the distortion of memories are all factors.

 

Lack of Reasoning – In order for someone to receive help and benefit from it, the person must first realize that there is a problem to be dealt with. If you think you have everything under control, you don’t need help. This is the mindset of the narcissist. They always believe that they are superior and better than everyone else, therefore, it must be everyone else who has a problem. When finally confronted with the issue at hand, they will still most likely refuse that anything is wrong, and this is because they lack reasoning. They are unable to see past their own ego and look at the logic of everything before them.

 

Lack of Feeling – Secondly, narcissists lack a lot of feelings. Even if they are able to realize that they are the problem, they probably won’t feel any guilt or remorse for it. They don’t care that they are causing problems for other people because the narcissist isn’t the one getting hurt. They don’t feel empathy for others, and this issue alone can stop them from ever being cured.

 

Distorted Memories – Thirdly, narcissists can have distorted memories. This means that their memory can be changed in their mind so that it was them that was victimized. The narcissist always thinks of themselves, so much so that they begin to distort the memory in their mind to make it seem as though it was actually the other person who was attacking them instead. This is also due, in part, to their lack of the ability to properly reason. This is a serious thing because it can, in the narcissist’s mind, reinforce the idea that the narcissist did nothing wrong. They truly believe they are innocent in all matters because that is what their memory tells them. How can a narcissist begin to get help for what they have done if they don’t even remember what happened? The narcissist will think “What? I didn’t really say that. I would have remembered it if I had.” But their memory has blocked out the bad parts about themselves so that they can continue on living in a distorted bliss and hurting everyone in their path.

 

These are the qualities of the narcissist that make them seem completely incurable. In order for them to make the much needed changes, they will have to face these facts and come to terms with them. In order to do that, they will need to have a deep trust in the people that are willing to help them, if the narcissist can ever accept that they need help.

Understanding a Narcissist’s Soul – Narcissus’s Reflection

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a serious problem for the person that has it, and a big headache to those having to deal with them. After all, it seems as though they are incapable of love and understanding. Some even go as far as to say that narcissists have no heart or soul. Other personality disorders, such as schizophrenia, psychopathy, and sociopathy have the same thing said about them. Could NPD really be just as bad?

 

To understand the soul of a narcissist, we must first know where the idea of narcissism first came from. In the Greek Myths, Narcissus was a man of extraordinary beauty, loved by many. One day, he knelt down by the river bank, and he just happened to catch a glimpse of his reflection. Instantly, he fell in love with the image before him, knowing that he had to have it for his own. But, being that it was only a reflection upon the waters, his attempts to reach out failed him, and he drowned trying to grab onto his reflection.

 

So the big thing to take away from the story is that Narcissus was not in love with himself, but merely a reflection of himself. He saw what everyone else saw, and strove to have that version of himself. This is how the soul of a narcissist is. They want to be the grand person that everyone sees. But deep down, that’s not who they truly are. Because of this, they end up failing in many areas of their life, trying desperately to hold onto the perfect image of themselves.

Do Narcissists Live in a Complete Fantasy?

If you want to be able to understand a narcissist, you must first realize that they believe that the world really does revolve around them. They are called narcissists, after all. They believe that they deserve to have anything and everything they want, and they shouldn’t have to do anything in order to get it. Instead, they want everything handed to them. While it’s completely normal to dream big and have grandiose goals, it’s not normal to expect them to be handed to you on a silver platter. Their goals are usually pretty unrealistic too, such as expecting to walk into a job interview and instantly become the new boss with no prior work experience or becoming rich and famous instantly overnight by writing a few short poems. Unfortunately, these kinds of examples the regular thought processes of a narcissist.

 

This mindset, while not sounding very promising as far as achieving results, still might not sound very harmful. Until you take into consideration that this person is living in a fantasy world, completely disconnected from reality. The problem is that they expect everyone else to want to live in that fantasy world too. They believe that everyone thinks very highly of them as if they have already achieved their unrealistic goals, and they yearn for compliments and praise from everyone around them.

 

But what happens when the narcissist stops getting that positive attention that they so desperately need in order to thrive in their made-up world of perfection?

 

To the narcissist, they think that surely someone else is the reason behind their failed success. After all, they are perfect, and everyone else thinks so too! So why don’t they have everything they desire? These thoughts are what cause the narcissist to begin lashing out at those that are closest to them. They blame their partners and children, thinking that if it weren’t for those people, they’d have their way. Or maybe if everyone was as wonderful as they are, then they could all help the narcissist, instead of making things worse.

 

The narcissist’s natural response is to look for someone to be their scapegoat because the narcissist thinks that they can never do anything wrong. If you are in a relationship with a narcissist, their high expectations of themselves might actually fall on you as your responsibility so they don’t have to take the blame when they aren’t successful. If their goal is to become famous and they just can’t seem to find a way to make it work, they will likely expect you to do it for them. Then afterward, when you fail at these unrealistic requests too, they will begin to attack you and eventually come to resent you for failing them. After all, they trusted and counted on you to do just this one thing for them. Because to them, they didn’t ask a lot from you. Living in their fantasy world, they truly believed that they weren’t asking for much, and you couldn’t even do a simple task. They will make you feel like the failure and tell you how terrible you are, but don’t let this all get to you.

 

You are not the crazy one – they are. And that is something that’s very important to remember. They will make you feel crazy, but it’s your job to keep your head held high and don’t let them get into it and take over.

Are Narcissists Capable of Feeling Empathy?

If you’ve ever had to deal with a narcissist, you know that they are very good at manipulating you and putting on a show for others. Everything always has to be about them, and it seems as though they never care about you or anyone else. The problem is that for those that suffer from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD), they tend to lack empathy. But can they help this? Is there hope for narcissists to be able to relate and feel empathetic towards others? The answer might have to do with their level of NPD.

 

Just like all mental health disorders, the severity of narcissism can vary. For those that have been clinically diagnosed with NPD, they are more likely to be volatile and unpredictable and refuse to see the problems and seek help. Subclinical NPD, on the other hand, can be much more manageable. This type is more common, and many with subclinical NPD even go on to live normal, successful lives.

 

In various studies involving subclinical narcissists, it was made clear that these narcissists didn’t show empathy when exposed to a saddening story – such as a harsh breakup or domestic abuse – while non-narcissists did.

 

Except! – when the narcissists were prompted with a comment such as “imagine how they feel in this situation,” or “put yourself in their shoes.” When subtly ask to do these things, the reaction of the narcissists changed.

 

When the non-narcissists were prompted with the same comments, they didn’t react because they were naturally inclined to put themselves in the other person’s shoes in the first place. This did not come naturally to the narcissists, but when prompted, they were capable of doing so.

 

This shows that, at least for those with subclinical narcissism, there is hope that they can learn to feel empathy towards others. We can see that this is especially true because our bodies physically respond to feeling empathetic as well. Your heart rate changes and increases when you feel empathy for another person.

 

During the studies and experiments with the non-narcissists and subclinical narcissists, we might’ve expected the empathetic responses from the narcissists to only be external, as narcissists have a tendency to be manipulative and say what they think others want to hear in order to reap the benefits. But monitoring heartrate disproved this, and we could see that what they were feeling was true and honest empathy for the people in the sad stories.

 

So the answer is yes – many narcissists are able to feel empathy. They just might need some help to get there. Giving them support and encouragement can go a long way in helping them learn to recognize when they should be empathetic, but the first step is for them to realize that they need to work on things and be willing to receive the help they need. A great option is to get therapy, as a therapist is going to be more experienced with narcissistic behavior, and know the right way to approach the entire situation.

Why Narcissists Hurt Their Loved Ones

Dealing with a narcissist can be a really difficult thing to do, especially when it is someone you are close to. Many times, you don’t realize that you have gotten yourself into a relationship with a narcissist until much later as things continue to get worse and worse, and they begin abusing you. In fact, they might not even act narcissistic at the beginning of the relationship.

Narcissists are predictable people, as they usually follow the same patterns of behavior. There are three stages of a relationship with a narcissist:

  1. Falling head over heels for you – In the beginning, the narcissist will want to do everything in their power to try to win you over because they want you. They believe you are the best thing to ever happen to them, and there’s no way you could ever let them down. You are the perfect person for them, and they want to show you by showering you with affection and gifts.
  2. Trying to fix you – Unfortunately though, the head over heels phase won’t last, and they’ll soon find flaws in you. They’ll start pointing them out and insist that you start changing them in order to make them satisfied. No matter how much you do to try to please them, it seems like it’s just never enough.
  3. Pure abuse – Soon, you’ll find yourself in the pure abuse phase, where life for you is miserable. The narcissist never has anything nice to say about you, and not only will they criticize you, but they will do it in public and around friends and family.

So why do narcissists always end up turning their relationships into nightmares this way? Wouldn’t they eventually learn that everyone has certain flaws that should be expected and accepted? Wouldn’t they soon be able to figure out that criticizing and putting their partner down is not a constructive way of handling conflicts?

As it turns out, there are two big character traits that those with Narcissistic Personality Disorder carry and these traits are responsible for the narcissist’s way of acting.

  1. Narcissists have no emotional empathy. Empathy allows us to feel and understand what another person is feeling. It is the thing that helps up to hold out tongues and think before speaking because we know that what we’re about to say could hurt them. We know this because we can imagine what it’s like to be in the other person’s shoes, then picture how we would feel if the same thing were said to us. Narcissists can’t and won’t do this. Even if a narcissist is able to intellectually understand that they might be hurting the other person, they don’t care because they are not personally hurt by it.
  2. Narcissists don’t have “whole object relations” or “emotional constancy”. This means that they think in extremes in terms of whether a person is good or bad. This is why at the beginning of relationships, a narcissist falls so hard and genuinely believes that person is perfection, but soon turns on them once they realize they have normal human flaws. Then, they can only think of them in horrible ways and are unable to see the good in them. This is where “emotional constancy” comes in, and it is when the narcissist is unable to maintain an emotional connection or good feelings about their partner when they fight or get upset with them.

The behaviors of a narcissist can sometimes seem like they don’t make sense and are completely unpredictable. But when you look at the bigger picture, you’ll find that there is usually a reason behind it all, and narcissists repeat patterns of behavior.

 

How to Identify and Stop a Narcissist BEFORE They Trap You

If you’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist, it can be hard to begin dating again, for fear that you might end up in yet another abusive relationship. What if you find yourself repeating the same patterns and being with a narcissist once again? After all, if you were with a narcissist before, you might have just the right personality that attracts them. They thrive off of those that they can take advantage of and control. They like those that are all too giving and completely willing to put others first.

 

So here are a few things that you can do to avoid repeating those mistakes:

 

Choose Your Relationships Wisely

Don’t let yourself fall head over heels for someone without feeling them out first. Keep your distance when beginning new relationships, and really try to measure out their words against their actions. If they stay true to their words, there shouldn’t be much to worry about. But if they are constantly making empty promises, that could certainly be a red flag. If they seem to always be in competition with you to try to get the upper hand instead of accepting you as their equal, that is another big warning sign.

 

Expect Failures and Disappointments

This might sound a little harsh at first, but you should never let yourself get your hopes up with someone who you suspect is a narcissist. Don’t let yourself get sucked into their persuasive words and charm. Doing so only gives them more power over your emotions and well-being. Instead, have a backup plan for when they don’t follow through on their word.

 

Avoid Trying to  “Fix” Them

A narcissist can’t be helped, especially if they don’t want to be. They can even thrive off of the arguing and frustration that it can bring out in you when you find that you can’t save them. They know that in this way, they can get under your skin, and that gives them even more power. Instead, the best thing to do is to keep your distance, maintain your own personal boundaries, and even cut them loose completely.

 

Practice Mindful and Effective Communication

Good communication can go a long way in solving many problems. Most narcissists are likely acting from their wounds, and having an understanding of this could help you in how you deal with them. Regardless though, you must be assertive and not give them any opportunities to run you over. Learning to say no is very important, and if a narcissist does not respect your answers or wishes, let them know that there will be consequences, and follow through on them.

 

Narcissists are not fun people to have in your relationship circle, but sometimes it’s hard to not fall for their tricks. Luckily, there are ways to identify a narcissist before they are able trap you. Keeping a good distance from those you’re unsure about, expecting failures, maintaining boundaries, and practicing good, solid communication are all great ways to help avoid being sucked in by another narcissist.

What will Happen with Kevin Spacey?

It’s a dangerous world out there, which is why the law was set in place to begin with. It is the duty of the law enforcement and court systems to keep its citizens safe and put away those that do harm to others. But sometimes it’s hard to tell who the real problem is in a situation.

 

Kevin Spacey, who many of us know and love from the show, “House of Cards,” was charged with felony sexual assault for an alleged incident in 2016. His accuser says that Spacey got an 18 year old drunk by buying him drinks, then without consent, shoved his hands down his pants and grabbed his genitals. The victim was a bus boy who had convinced Spacey that he was of legal drinking age, and it was said that he wanted a job and nothing more from Spacey.

 

It turns out that this was not the first time that Spacey would be called out for having sexual relations with boys and minors. Actor Anthony Rapp came forward admitting that Spacy had made inappropriate sexual advances towards him when he was just 14. Three more people spoke up later, admitting similar stories that had happened to them with Spacey.

 

With all of the accusations, it probably didn’t help that Spacey had come out as gay. After all the blame that was put on him, he even began receiving help in order to work through the trauma of it all.

 

Now, two years after the incident, Spacey has finally been spotted again. He was last photographed at the end of December as he was climbing into an SUV. He was wearing a big scarf that covered his neck and face, and a hat pulled down low to try to hide his identity as much as possible.

 

It must be hard to live through the embarrassment and shame of being accused of such horrible things, and no one knows this more than Kevin Spacey. It’s no wonder that he hid away from the world for so long. I think all of us would if we had that giant weight on our shoulders.

 

For those that are victims of narcissistic abuse, we get a taste for what it’s like to be accused of things we may not have actually done. Stories always get twisted around to make things seem worse than they really are and to make the truth harder and harder to find for everyone else. Do we truly know what happened between Spacey and the bus boy? No. So why should we always assume the worst? After all, Kevin Spacey has only charged with – not yet convicted of – a felony. Plus, would a predator really seek therapy like Spacey did? Spacey was looking for help to get through the whole mess, so it just doesn’t make sense. Things aren’t always black and white, and those that have dealt with narcissistic abuse should know more than anyone that you shouldn’t always believe in the very first thing you hear.

When You Leave A Narcissist Alone

It takes a lot to free yourself from the grip of a narcissist, and once you do, it should feel like a big victory. But it’s not easy to forget that although the relationship was an abusive and unhealthy one, you still loved and cared for that person for a long time before realizing what they were doing to you. Because of this, you might find yourself wondering what has happened to them now that they are alone.

 

Now that the narcissist is on their own, they have no one to put down in order to bring themselves up and build their self esteem. They don’t have anyone to take all of their punches, and they find themselves spiraling deeper into self loathing and worthlessness. With no more good supply for their control addiction, they will become weak. Having little social life and little to look forward to at all.

 

They will likely become angry or depressed in their life but know that none of this is your fault. You are not responsible for keeping the narcissist happy, and neither is anyone else. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself, and removing yourself from your relationship with the narcissist is the right thing to do because it isn’t healthy to let them feed off of you. Let them be miserable for a while. After all, it’s their own doing. Plus, it probably won’t be long until they find another victim to take your place.