How to Identify and Stop a Narcissist BEFORE They Trap You

If you’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist, it can be hard to begin dating again, for fear that you might end up in yet another abusive relationship. What if you find yourself repeating the same patterns and being with a narcissist once again? After all, if you were with a narcissist before, you might have just the right personality that attracts them. They thrive off of those that they can take advantage of and control. They like those that are all too giving and completely willing to put others first.

 

So here are a few things that you can do to avoid repeating those mistakes:

 

Choose Your Relationships Wisely

Don’t let yourself fall head over heels for someone without feeling them out first. Keep your distance when beginning new relationships, and really try to measure out their words against their actions. If they stay true to their words, there shouldn’t be much to worry about. But if they are constantly making empty promises, that could certainly be a red flag. If they seem to always be in competition with you to try to get the upper hand instead of accepting you as their equal, that is another big warning sign.

 

Expect Failures and Disappointments

This might sound a little harsh at first, but you should never let yourself get your hopes up with someone who you suspect is a narcissist. Don’t let yourself get sucked into their persuasive words and charm. Doing so only gives them more power over your emotions and well-being. Instead, have a backup plan for when they don’t follow through on their word.

 

Avoid Trying to  “Fix” Them

A narcissist can’t be helped, especially if they don’t want to be. They can even thrive off of the arguing and frustration that it can bring out in you when you find that you can’t save them. They know that in this way, they can get under your skin, and that gives them even more power. Instead, the best thing to do is to keep your distance, maintain your own personal boundaries, and even cut them loose completely.

 

Practice Mindful and Effective Communication

Good communication can go a long way in solving many problems. Most narcissists are likely acting from their wounds, and having an understanding of this could help you in how you deal with them. Regardless though, you must be assertive and not give them any opportunities to run you over. Learning to say no is very important, and if a narcissist does not respect your answers or wishes, let them know that there will be consequences, and follow through on them.

 

Narcissists are not fun people to have in your relationship circle, but sometimes it’s hard to not fall for their tricks. Luckily, there are ways to identify a narcissist before they are able trap you. Keeping a good distance from those you’re unsure about, expecting failures, maintaining boundaries, and practicing good, solid communication are all great ways to help avoid being sucked in by another narcissist.

What will Happen with Kevin Spacey?

It’s a dangerous world out there, which is why the law was set in place to begin with. It is the duty of the law enforcement and court systems to keep its citizens safe and put away those that do harm to others. But sometimes it’s hard to tell who the real problem is in a situation.

 

Kevin Spacey, who many of us know and love from the show, “House of Cards,” was charged with felony sexual assault for an alleged incident in 2016. His accuser says that Spacey got an 18 year old drunk by buying him drinks, then without consent, shoved his hands down his pants and grabbed his genitals. The victim was a bus boy who had convinced Spacey that he was of legal drinking age, and it was said that he wanted a job and nothing more from Spacey.

 

It turns out that this was not the first time that Spacey would be called out for having sexual relations with boys and minors. Actor Anthony Rapp came forward admitting that Spacy had made inappropriate sexual advances towards him when he was just 14. Three more people spoke up later, admitting similar stories that had happened to them with Spacey.

 

With all of the accusations, it probably didn’t help that Spacey had come out as gay. After all the blame that was put on him, he even began receiving help in order to work through the trauma of it all.

 

Now, two years after the incident, Spacey has finally been spotted again. He was last photographed at the end of December as he was climbing into an SUV. He was wearing a big scarf that covered his neck and face, and a hat pulled down low to try to hide his identity as much as possible.

 

It must be hard to live through the embarrassment and shame of being accused of such horrible things, and no one knows this more than Kevin Spacey. It’s no wonder that he hid away from the world for so long. I think all of us would if we had that giant weight on our shoulders.

 

For those that are victims of narcissistic abuse, we get a taste for what it’s like to be accused of things we may not have actually done. Stories always get twisted around to make things seem worse than they really are and to make the truth harder and harder to find for everyone else. Do we truly know what happened between Spacey and the bus boy? No. So why should we always assume the worst? After all, Kevin Spacey has only charged with – not yet convicted of – a felony. Plus, would a predator really seek therapy like Spacey did? Spacey was looking for help to get through the whole mess, so it just doesn’t make sense. Things aren’t always black and white, and those that have dealt with narcissistic abuse should know more than anyone that you shouldn’t always believe in the very first thing you hear.

When You Leave A Narcissist Alone

It takes a lot to free yourself from the grip of a narcissist, and once you do, it should feel like a big victory. But it’s not easy to forget that although the relationship was an abusive and unhealthy one, you still loved and cared for that person for a long time before realizing what they were doing to you. Because of this, you might find yourself wondering what has happened to them now that they are alone.

 

Now that the narcissist is on their own, they have no one to put down in order to bring themselves up and build their self esteem. They don’t have anyone to take all of their punches, and they find themselves spiraling deeper into self loathing and worthlessness. With no more good supply for their control addiction, they will become weak. Having little social life and little to look forward to at all.

 

They will likely become angry or depressed in their life but know that none of this is your fault. You are not responsible for keeping the narcissist happy, and neither is anyone else. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself, and removing yourself from your relationship with the narcissist is the right thing to do because it isn’t healthy to let them feed off of you. Let them be miserable for a while. After all, it’s their own doing. Plus, it probably won’t be long until they find another victim to take your place.

Smear Campaign – a Narcissist’s Public Attack

You’ve finally gotten yourself unhooked from the claws of the narcissist, but the problems just don’t want to go away. You’re having to debunk rumors left and right, and the embarrassment just never seems to stop. When a narcissist continues to attack you indirectly and publicly like this – spreading rumors, telling lies, and making everyone you know start to doubt you – this is called a smear campaign.

 

The narcissist has already lost the battle with you, but in doing so, you have further damaged their ego, and they fear that you’ll ruin their reputation too. They know that if they don’t do something, the truth about their behavior will soon come out, and they can’t let that happen. So instead, they begin to tell on you. The narcissist will tell your friends, family, and coworkers that you are the crazy and abusive one. This way, everyone has it in their minds that you’re the bad one first. Now you’re left on the defense and it becomes a battle of he-said, she-said.

 

While you can’t stop the narcissist from talking to everyone you know, your reaction to their efforts to destroy you can make them do a double take. If you find yourself in public with the narcissist, getting angry and upset with them with everyone watching is only going to make the narcissist’s false stories seem truer. But by disengaging, the narcissist could even lose interest.

 

When dealing with a narcissist, it’s always a good idea to have a great support system and even a plan in place for when bad things happen. Through all the mess of the smear campaign, you’ll find out who your real friends are, but you will be the one to come out stronger in the end.

Could Psychopathy be Causing Divorces?

In these blogs, we tend to focus on narcissistic personality disorder. Having a narcissist in your life can be really difficult, especially when you’re in an intimate relationship with them. Staying in the relationship can also prove to be quite a challenge, given their selfish personality and constant belittling. Because of this, narcissists have a hard time maintaining relationships, and the few that make it to marriage usually end in divorce.

 

But narcissists aren’t the only kinds of people that fuel divorces. People with antisocial disorder, also known as psychopaths, have very similar behavior patterns as narcissists, but they are much more extreme. Not only are psychopaths selfish, but they also feel no guilt or remorse for doing anything wrong. A narcissist might be able to recognize their actions and apologize or make changes. They might even have limitations for how far they will go to try to get their way. But not a psychopath. Without those nagging negative emotions, psychopaths have nothing that will stop them.

 

Psychopaths are much more manipulative than narcissists, and you likely won’t even know that they have the disorder until they have you wrapped around your finger and there’s no way to escape. They are very convincing and lie way too easily because they are incapable of feeling bad about anything. If they do show feelings, it is only to fool you. Don’t fall for this trickery.

 

As if simply lacking emotions isn’t bad enough, psychopaths also have a complete disregard for the feelings of others, and they don’t logically think of the consequences of their actions. Because of this, not all, but many psychopaths can quickly become angry and turn violent out of nowhere. They can have explosive and unpredictable personalities, but you might not find this out until it’s too late and you have become the victim.

 

So how common is antisocial disorder, anyway? Psychopathy is more common in men, occurring in 3% of the male population. It only affects about 1% of the women though. Despite the small percentages, 1 out of every 17 divorce cases deals with a psychopath. Antisocial disorder can cause a lot of issues, especially when it comes to close relationships. And this number proves it.

 

If you have found yourself married to a psychopath, it can be a difficult situation. It may have taken you a long time to put all the puzzle pieces together to find out the truth, especially with them right there in your ear, telling you everything you need to hear. Psychopaths, after all, and very manipulative, and will do anything they need to do in order to have their way, regardless of what the consequences might be.

 

When you take a psychopath to court for a divorce, they will lie flawlessly, and likely have no problem getting away with it. They will tear you down in every way they know how because they don’t care about your feelings. Be prepared for this, and don’t let them have their way. Stay strong and fight through it, and you will come out better by the end of it.

Do Narcissists Love Their Children?

Narcissists are very self-centered human beings, and their actions are all based on their own needs and desires. They have difficulties maintaining good relationships because they care only about themselves and what they can gain from it. So what does this mean when a narcissist has children?

 

Narcissists, by nature, are incapable of loving. From the outside perspective though, it might seem like just the opposite. Narcissists like to trick you into believing what they want you to believe, and that means if they want you to like them, they will show you what you want to see.

 

When a narcissist has children, they think of them just as they think of anyone else – like objects. But even worse, because the children were born from them, the narcissist feels that they own them. Because the narcissist went through all the trouble and pain of creating and birthing, now the child is indebted to them. They are supposed to be there to give the narcissist whatever they need, whenever they need it.

 

If a child has a narcissistic parent, they will have low self esteem and self-confidence issues from the parent constantly tearing them down to gain control and make them feel better about themselves. So when the narcissistic parent actually does give a compliment or show their love, it’s a much bigger deal. Narcissists are very manipulative, and they don’t stop with their children. They see their love as a tool that can be easily taken away and only given back as a reward. Because of this, the child feels it is their responsibility to keep the parent happy, and they will do anything and everything to give them what they want. They know that if they do this, they might actually win over their parent’s approval and finally be loved by them.

 

This is why narcissistic parents are able to get away with so much. All a child wants is to be loved and cared for, and the narcissist knows this and uses it against them. Narcissists are great at putting on a show and pretending, and they teach their kids to do this too. No matter how much abuse is going on, the child is going to defend their parent because they know that if they do, they might be rewarded. If they do what their parent says, they will love them even more. They might even get a compliment or a hug if they are lucky, and this is all the child ever wants. This is very manipulative and abusive behavior, but it is the way of the narcissist.

 

If you’re going through a divorce and your spouse is a narcissist, you can expect them to use your children and try to turn them against you. The children are afraid that the narcissistic parent won’t love them anymore if they don’t do what they say, so they feel they have to stick up for the narcissist. This can be very hard to deal with, but know that it is only the result of abuse and manipulation.

5 Types of People who can Ruin your Life

In these blogs, we usually talk about PTSD and narcissistic abuse. But narcissists aren’t the only kind of people that you might run into problems with. There are lots of other mental and personality disorders that can affect your relationship with that person.

Here are 5 Types of people that can ruin your life:

  1. Borderline – Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is one of the most common mental disorders. Symptoms include emotional instability, a history of unstable relationships, and impulsive behavior. These kinds of people can cause lots of drama and instability in your life.
  2. Narcissistic – If you know a narcissist, you know they only care about themselves, and this kind of thinking leads to them using and abusing you.
  3. Paranoid – People with Paranoid Personality Disorder (PPD) are always on edge and suspicious of things, leading to trust and commitment issues in a relationship.
  4. Antisocial – Antisocial Disorder is also called sociopathy, and people with this disorder tend to feel less. They might feel no guilt for anything at all, so they have no problems, lying, cheating, stealing, and even getting violent.
  5. Histrionic – People with histrionic personality disorder tend to be very self-centered and manipulative. They will make everything about them and use you to always get their way.

Dealing with those that have mental and personality disorders can prove to be quite a challenge. Luckily, Bill Eddy wrote 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life, and in his book, he’ll teach you how you can avoid these people and break free from toxic relationships. Eddy is a therapist and law professor with lots of experience, and this book can really help you out.