PTSD In Partnerships

Dealing with PTSD can be really difficult, but not just for the one with the diagnosis. If one person has it, it can cause friends and family to struggle too – just in a different way. If you are dating someone who has PTSD, you know that it can cause some tension in the relationship. This is especially true for people who suffer from Complex PTSD.

 

Complex PTSD (C-PTSD)  is very similar to normal PTSD, except the victim is unable to escape the stressful environment that is causing it. With time, people that suffer from normal PTSD can learn to cope with the event in the past and overcome the fears that arose from it. But with C-PTSD, there is no break from the event to give the sufferer any relief or time to heal.

 

Your partner having PTSD could be something you’re just now finding out about as you go further into the relationship. This can be upsetting and hard to deal with, especially if you feel that it is something that they have tried to keep from you. But remember that them admitting their weaknesses to you is a big sign of trust from them, regardless of how long it took them to come to you about it. For those that suffer from PTSD, problems like trust issues, anxiety, and paranoia are all part of the disorder, so the thing that they need most from you is your loving support and understanding.

 

The PTSD diagnosis could have also been given to your significant other during your relationship. If this is the case, remember that this is all scary, if not scarier, news for the sufferer than it is for you. Go to them with open arms, but also remember to give them the space they need too.

 

PTSD can be the root cause of many relationship problems, as it can make the sufferer feel less understood, which can fuel unnecessary arguments. Many PTSD sufferers also experience emotional outbursts, as they are unable to keep their emotions in check. Sometimes, these bursts are taken out on the person nearest to them. That person tends to be their significant other, which can cause even more fights. More fights can mean more time apart and even isolation from each other, causing a downfall in the relationship.

 

At least with normal PTSD, there is some hope that by getting proper treatment, the relationship can be restored and the two of you can go back to being normal and happy again. But when your partner suffers from C-PTSD, it can feel as though there isn’t an end in sight. Your partner likely feels hopeless and worthless, and understanding this can go a long way in keeping a relationship alive. Try to practice open communication, and always be there to offer support and motivation. Encourage them to seek help, and maybe even try couple’s therapy if you feel that things are just getting to be too much. Remind them that the pain is only temporary, and whatever is causing their C-PTSD is bound to be put to an end eventually.

How to Identify and Stop a Narcissist BEFORE They Trap You

If you’ve just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist, it can be hard to begin dating again, for fear that you might end up in yet another abusive relationship. What if you find yourself repeating the same patterns and being with a narcissist once again? After all, if you were with a narcissist before, you might have just the right personality that attracts them. They thrive off of those that they can take advantage of and control. They like those that are all too giving and completely willing to put others first.

 

So here are a few things that you can do to avoid repeating those mistakes:

 

Choose Your Relationships Wisely

Don’t let yourself fall head over heels for someone without feeling them out first. Keep your distance when beginning new relationships, and really try to measure out their words against their actions. If they stay true to their words, there shouldn’t be much to worry about. But if they are constantly making empty promises, that could certainly be a red flag. If they seem to always be in competition with you to try to get the upper hand instead of accepting you as their equal, that is another big warning sign.

 

Expect Failures and Disappointments

This might sound a little harsh at first, but you should never let yourself get your hopes up with someone who you suspect is a narcissist. Don’t let yourself get sucked into their persuasive words and charm. Doing so only gives them more power over your emotions and well-being. Instead, have a backup plan for when they don’t follow through on their word.

 

Avoid Trying to  “Fix” Them

A narcissist can’t be helped, especially if they don’t want to be. They can even thrive off of the arguing and frustration that it can bring out in you when you find that you can’t save them. They know that in this way, they can get under your skin, and that gives them even more power. Instead, the best thing to do is to keep your distance, maintain your own personal boundaries, and even cut them loose completely.

 

Practice Mindful and Effective Communication

Good communication can go a long way in solving many problems. Most narcissists are likely acting from their wounds, and having an understanding of this could help you in how you deal with them. Regardless though, you must be assertive and not give them any opportunities to run you over. Learning to say no is very important, and if a narcissist does not respect your answers or wishes, let them know that there will be consequences, and follow through on them.

 

Narcissists are not fun people to have in your relationship circle, but sometimes it’s hard to not fall for their tricks. Luckily, there are ways to identify a narcissist before they are able trap you. Keeping a good distance from those you’re unsure about, expecting failures, maintaining boundaries, and practicing good, solid communication are all great ways to help avoid being sucked in by another narcissist.

When You Leave A Narcissist Alone

It takes a lot to free yourself from the grip of a narcissist, and once you do, it should feel like a big victory. But it’s not easy to forget that although the relationship was an abusive and unhealthy one, you still loved and cared for that person for a long time before realizing what they were doing to you. Because of this, you might find yourself wondering what has happened to them now that they are alone.

 

Now that the narcissist is on their own, they have no one to put down in order to bring themselves up and build their self esteem. They don’t have anyone to take all of their punches, and they find themselves spiraling deeper into self loathing and worthlessness. With no more good supply for their control addiction, they will become weak. Having little social life and little to look forward to at all.

 

They will likely become angry or depressed in their life but know that none of this is your fault. You are not responsible for keeping the narcissist happy, and neither is anyone else. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself, and removing yourself from your relationship with the narcissist is the right thing to do because it isn’t healthy to let them feed off of you. Let them be miserable for a while. After all, it’s their own doing. Plus, it probably won’t be long until they find another victim to take your place.

Is Facebook Safe Anymore?

While most forms of social media only appeal to specific age groups, Facebook is one that is used by nearly all generations around today. It’s a great platform for keeping in touch with family and friends, staying updated with the news, and sharing anything you wish with the world. But you might want to think twice about what you share on the web.

 

Facebook has multiple privacy setting options, but it might still be less private than you think. Facebook has had its share of hackings and scandals in the past, sure. Every business hits a couple of bumps and makes a few accidents every now and then. But as we enter the new year and look back on 2018, we can see that Facebook has endured a bunch of issues – more than in previous years. In 2018, it seemed as though there was a new Facebook scandal each week.

 

All these constant issues arising made a big dent in Mark Zuckerberg’s, the co-founder of Facebook’s, net worth. He started the year out with about $73 billion, rose to a peak of $86 billion, then dropped down to $53 billion by the end of the year. He’s still a billionaire that is richer than ever, but this is still a big drop in numbers.

 

So what kind of issues has Facebook been facing in particular? When we break it down in chunks, we can see just what happened over the course of the year.

 

January – Mark Zuckerberg stated that his New Year Resolution was to fix lots of problems with Facebook, but it looks like things just continued to go downhill from there.

 

February – Facebook got in trouble with both the German and Belgian court for failing to ask for permission before breaking into people’s privacy.

 

March – The Federal Trade Commission opens an investigation on Facebook’s privacy practices.

 

April – Facebook admits that 87 million people’s information may have been “improperly shared” with Cambridge Analytica, and Mark Zuckerberg testifies before Congress for nearly 5 hours.

 

May – Zuckerberg is once again questioned about Facebook’s privacy policies, this time by E.U. Lawmakers.

 

June – Facebook admits that a software bug may have revealed the posts of 14 million users.

 

July – Facebook admits that they’re under investigation by the FBI, SEC, FTC and the Department of Justice over the scandal with Cambridge Analytica, and Facebook’s stock drops drastically.

 

August – Complaints are filed on Facebook by The Housing and Urban Development department for discriminatory housing ads.

 

September – Almost 50 million Facebook accounts are taken over by an unknown party due to a security flaw that let them get through.

 

October – Facebook is fined about $645,000 by the U.K. Information Commissioner’s Office for a data breach.

 

November – magazines, media, senators, and lawmakers from 9 different countries all attack Zuckerberg for all of Facebook’s problems.

 

December – Unpublished photos are exposed to app developers due to yet another security flaw, and Facebook apologized for the accident.

 

Knowing that one of the most popular forms of social media has so many flaws that can put your privacy at risk is a scary and stressful thing. But that doesn’t mean you should stop using it. The best thing to do is be careful who you allow in your friend group, and be careful what you post.

Smear Campaign – a Narcissist’s Public Attack

You’ve finally gotten yourself unhooked from the claws of the narcissist, but the problems just don’t want to go away. You’re having to debunk rumors left and right, and the embarrassment just never seems to stop. When a narcissist continues to attack you indirectly and publicly like this – spreading rumors, telling lies, and making everyone you know start to doubt you – this is called a smear campaign.

 

The narcissist has already lost the battle with you, but in doing so, you have further damaged their ego, and they fear that you’ll ruin their reputation too. They know that if they don’t do something, the truth about their behavior will soon come out, and they can’t let that happen. So instead, they begin to tell on you. The narcissist will tell your friends, family, and coworkers that you are the crazy and abusive one. This way, everyone has it in their minds that you’re the bad one first. Now you’re left on the defense and it becomes a battle of he-said, she-said.

 

While you can’t stop the narcissist from talking to everyone you know, your reaction to their efforts to destroy you can make them do a double take. If you find yourself in public with the narcissist, getting angry and upset with them with everyone watching is only going to make the narcissist’s false stories seem truer. But by disengaging, the narcissist could even lose interest.

 

When dealing with a narcissist, it’s always a good idea to have a great support system and even a plan in place for when bad things happen. Through all the mess of the smear campaign, you’ll find out who your real friends are, but you will be the one to come out stronger in the end.

Could it be Domestic Abuse?

Domestic abuse might be more common than you think. 1 in every 4 women report having been victims of some sort of domestic violence, but although women are more commonly abused by men, men have had their share of abuse as well. 1 in every 7 men deals with the same thing. These numbers might be higher, as only about 70% of all domestic violence cases are actually reported to law enforcement officials. To make matters even worse, most of these reports are violent acts such as hitting and punching. But abuse goes further than just that. Here are 5 different types of domestic abuse to watch out for:

 

Physical – Physical abuse can be more than just punching and slapping. It also includes shoving, biting, pinching, and even denying them medical care or forcing them to use drugs or alcohol.

 

Sexual – Any sexual act without the woman’s consent is considered sexual abuse. Forcing unwanted sex is still rape, even if you’re married.

 

Emotional – constant criticism, name-calling, putting them down to ruin their self esteem, and even trying to ruin their relationship with their children are all considered emotional abuse.

 

Economic – Trying to control all the finances, not allowing the other any access to money, and preventing them from going to work or school is in fact, a form of abuse, and one that is easily overlooked.

 

Psychological – They don’t have to take physical action for it to be considered abuse. Intimidation such as threats of physical violence to them, themselves, or the children are all forms of psychological abuse, as well as forced isolation and destruction of property.

 

If you or someone else you know is experiencing domestic abuse, you can call the Domestic Violence Hotline; 800.621.HOPE (4673), the Rape and Sexual Assault Hotline; 212.227.3000, or the Crime Victims Hotline; 866.689.HELP (4357). If you’re unsure which number you should call, you can just call the TDD phone number for all hotlines; 866.604.5350.

Could Psychopathy be Causing Divorces?

In these blogs, we tend to focus on narcissistic personality disorder. Having a narcissist in your life can be really difficult, especially when you’re in an intimate relationship with them. Staying in the relationship can also prove to be quite a challenge, given their selfish personality and constant belittling. Because of this, narcissists have a hard time maintaining relationships, and the few that make it to marriage usually end in divorce.

 

But narcissists aren’t the only kinds of people that fuel divorces. People with antisocial disorder, also known as psychopaths, have very similar behavior patterns as narcissists, but they are much more extreme. Not only are psychopaths selfish, but they also feel no guilt or remorse for doing anything wrong. A narcissist might be able to recognize their actions and apologize or make changes. They might even have limitations for how far they will go to try to get their way. But not a psychopath. Without those nagging negative emotions, psychopaths have nothing that will stop them.

 

Psychopaths are much more manipulative than narcissists, and you likely won’t even know that they have the disorder until they have you wrapped around your finger and there’s no way to escape. They are very convincing and lie way too easily because they are incapable of feeling bad about anything. If they do show feelings, it is only to fool you. Don’t fall for this trickery.

 

As if simply lacking emotions isn’t bad enough, psychopaths also have a complete disregard for the feelings of others, and they don’t logically think of the consequences of their actions. Because of this, not all, but many psychopaths can quickly become angry and turn violent out of nowhere. They can have explosive and unpredictable personalities, but you might not find this out until it’s too late and you have become the victim.

 

So how common is antisocial disorder, anyway? Psychopathy is more common in men, occurring in 3% of the male population. It only affects about 1% of the women though. Despite the small percentages, 1 out of every 17 divorce cases deals with a psychopath. Antisocial disorder can cause a lot of issues, especially when it comes to close relationships. And this number proves it.

 

If you have found yourself married to a psychopath, it can be a difficult situation. It may have taken you a long time to put all the puzzle pieces together to find out the truth, especially with them right there in your ear, telling you everything you need to hear. Psychopaths, after all, and very manipulative, and will do anything they need to do in order to have their way, regardless of what the consequences might be.

 

When you take a psychopath to court for a divorce, they will lie flawlessly, and likely have no problem getting away with it. They will tear you down in every way they know how because they don’t care about your feelings. Be prepared for this, and don’t let them have their way. Stay strong and fight through it, and you will come out better by the end of it.