Could Mental Illness be the Cause of your Divorce?

We now live in a world where divorces are a common event, and unfortunately, it occurs more now than it ever has before. You might think that your divorce was only caused by falling out of love or some conflict between the two of you that could never be resolved, and while these are common causes for divorce, you might be interested to hear that it could have all been influenced by you or your partner’s mental health state.

 

At some point in our lives, we all face difficult times. Stress can cause lots of problems in all areas of your life, and that includes your marriage. It can bring on mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, PTSD, and more. Any one of those things can make you foggy-headed and irritable, making it more difficult to communicate the issues that you’re facing. When this happens, you might find yourself getting upset and arguing with your spouse more and more often. Regardless of whether it is you, your spouse, or both that is struggling, it’s no doubt that when stress levels are high, the tension between others grows more too.

 

Sometimes though, we later find out that the mental health issues were not caused by stress or trauma alone, but by a personality disorder such as narcissism or borderline personality disorder. Being married to someone with those kinds of mental health issues can be a real and constant challenge.

 

If you are the one suffering from any sort of mental health issues, the best thing to do is to try to get some professional help. It can be hard for your spouse to have to handle everything all on their own, and they shouldn’t have to.

 

If you are the one supporting a spouse that is struggling, just remember to be calm, patient, and understanding with them, but do not accept any sort of abuse. Your partner is likely going through some difficult stuff and could use all the support that they can get. Give them your shoulder to lean on, but don’t let them drag you down either.

 

If both of you are dealing with stressful situations or have experienced trauma together, you might want to consider getting couples therapy or marriage counseling. It can be difficult to be a support for someone else when you need lots of support too, and marriage counseling can go a long way in ensuring that there is proper communication going on about each other’s needs.

 

If you have suffered through a divorce that was caused by mental illness, regardless of whether it was you, them, or the both of you that were going through a rough time, just know that it is not your fault.

 

A lot of things can happen to you in this life that you have no control over. But you can control how you deal with it. There are a lot of things that you alone simply cannot fix, and it is important that you don’t dwell on those things. Instead, focus on yourself. Your only responsibility now is to focus on growing stronger and getting better. You are strong and capable of achieving anything you set your mind to!

Dealing with Trauma Anniversaries

Valentine’s Day was just this past week, and while this day was filled with love and romance for many, it was filled with heartache and suffering for others. Valentine’s Day, just like any holiday or anniversary, can be a hard thing to go through, especially if you have PTSD.

 

Anniversaries are usually seen as a positive thing, something you look forward to and plan for. You celebrate the anniversary of your relationship or wedding, and even birthdays. But some anniversaries aren’t quite so cheery. It can be difficult when you lose a loved one, break off a serious relationship, or experience any sort of traumatic event, and PTSD can be the result of these things. The event itself can be hard enough, but when the anniversary date for it rolls around, you might find yourself experiencing the struggle all over again.

 

Oftentimes, the anniversary of the traumatic event can cause your PTSD to really flare up. Depression, guilt, and shame might begin to set in as you think about the event. Triggers that you thought you had overcome now take hold of you once again, and you begin to experience flashbacks and panic attacks.

 

If it’s been long enough since the traumatic event, you’ll begin to notice these anniversary patterns and you might start avoiding certain places, people, and any other triggers related to the event. Before the anniversary even arrives, you might feel nervous and on edge as you dread the upcoming day.

 

Anniversaries of traumatic events are definitely no fun so it might help to be prepared for when the day comes. The right way to approach the trauma-related anniversary truly depends on the person and what the trauma is. For some, they feel closure and relief by doing something in honor of the event. This could be visiting the grave of someone they lost, donating or volunteering to help disaster relief, or simply taking a few moments of silence.

 

For others, like rape victims, for example, the best thing to do is avoid thinking about the event and try to completely distract themselves. This is where planning ahead is really important. Maybe plan for a fun day with family or friends, spend the day out in town, go to a movie, or do anything that you know will keep your mind busy.

 

If you’re unsure of how to handle the upcoming dreaded day, then talk to your therapist. They are trained to know how to handle these situations, and, being your therapist, they should know what way of coping should work best for you. Your therapist is there to help you in any way that they can.

 

The anniversary date of your traumatic event might feel like it lasts forever, but that day will soon pass too. Sometimes though, the feelings that arise from the anniversary can last up to a few weeks, and that’s okay. Take all the time you need to process and cope with the event, and know that it does get better from here on out. Healing from PTSD is possible.

 

Long-Term Effects of PTSD

We think of PTSD as only a problem that we suffer from mentally. We feel fear, anxiety, and hopelessness. It affects our memory and our ways of thinking. It’s a lot to deal with, but it’s only mental, right?

 

Wrong.

 

Many studies are now showing that PTSD can have some seriously dangerous physical effects if you suffer long-term. Problems such as hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and obesity can begin to occur as a result of long-term PTSD.

 

Hypertension can easily be a result of stress, and when you have PTSD, you know that you are put under stress constantly. Even daily tasks can become too much to handle at times, but the result, if you don’t try to seek the help you need, could be hypertension.

 

Hyperlipidemia is when you have unusually high amounts of fats and lipids in your bloodstream. This can cause all kinds of scary problems such as blood clots and even heart attacks and strokes. A number of things could cause this to happen when you have PTSD for an extended period of time. It could simply be that your stress has caused you to start making less healthy food choices and stop going to the gym, or it could be something else.

 

Obesity is yet another common effect of long-term PTSD. It could be caused by making unhealthy choices in the moment of feeling stressed and overwhelmed, or it could also be that your body is trying to store up the energy for when it needs it. Your physical body panics too.

 

The reasons why long-term PTSD causing these issues might not be completely known. But we do know that suffering for a long time can lead to hypertension, hyperlipidemia, and obesity. The best thing to do is to seek out the help you need and try to continue making healthy choices. Talk with your therapist and your doctor to figure out the best solution that will work for you.

Are Narcissists Incurable?

Are narcissists incurable? It’s a question that man of us must ask ourselves when faced with the dilemma of having a loved one in our lives who suffers from Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It’s a question that we may not actually want the answer to, because it’s more complicated than it seems. So what is it that makes a narcissist seem so incurable? Lack of reasoning and feeling, plus the distortion of memories are all factors.

 

Lack of Reasoning – In order for someone to receive help and benefit from it, the person must first realize that there is a problem to be dealt with. If you think you have everything under control, you don’t need help. This is the mindset of the narcissist. They always believe that they are superior and better than everyone else, therefore, it must be everyone else who has a problem. When finally confronted with the issue at hand, they will still most likely refuse that anything is wrong, and this is because they lack reasoning. They are unable to see past their own ego and look at the logic of everything before them.

 

Lack of Feeling – Secondly, narcissists lack a lot of feelings. Even if they are able to realize that they are the problem, they probably won’t feel any guilt or remorse for it. They don’t care that they are causing problems for other people because the narcissist isn’t the one getting hurt. They don’t feel empathy for others, and this issue alone can stop them from ever being cured.

 

Distorted Memories – Thirdly, narcissists can have distorted memories. This means that their memory can be changed in their mind so that it was them that was victimized. The narcissist always thinks of themselves, so much so that they begin to distort the memory in their mind to make it seem as though it was actually the other person who was attacking them instead. This is also due, in part, to their lack of the ability to properly reason. This is a serious thing because it can, in the narcissist’s mind, reinforce the idea that the narcissist did nothing wrong. They truly believe they are innocent in all matters because that is what their memory tells them. How can a narcissist begin to get help for what they have done if they don’t even remember what happened? The narcissist will think “What? I didn’t really say that. I would have remembered it if I had.” But their memory has blocked out the bad parts about themselves so that they can continue on living in a distorted bliss and hurting everyone in their path.

 

These are the qualities of the narcissist that make them seem completely incurable. In order for them to make the much needed changes, they will have to face these facts and come to terms with them. In order to do that, they will need to have a deep trust in the people that are willing to help them, if the narcissist can ever accept that they need help.

What are PTSD Triggers?

In these blogs, we’ve mentioned PTSD triggers quite a bit – how to avoid them, how to overcome them, and even how common they are. We talk about them all the time, but what exactly are PTSD triggers?

 

Triggers can be anything that sets off your PTSD, sometimes even making you feel like you’re reliving your trauma all over again. They can arise from specific sights and sounds, as well as from smells and tastes. Even certain thoughts can become triggers for you. Many people with PTSD feel the need to avoid certain places and environments that remind them of the incident.

 

For example, if someone witnessed a school shooting, that person might have a hard time entering or even talking or thinking about a school building. Some triggers can be less obvious though. For example, if you happened to be eating a peanut butter sandwich when you first heard the gunshots, you might be triggered any time you take a bite out of or even smell one. An important thing to remember though is that regardless of whatever your triggers are, they are completely normal to have when you are suffering from PTSD.

 

So why do we end up having triggers later on anyway? As most of us know, PTSD usually develops some time after the traumatic event. It does this because, in the moment of the event, our minds and bodies go into fight or flight mode, unable to actually process what is happening at the moment and only focusing on pure survival. Unfortunately, the trauma still has to be processed, and this is why triggers and flashbacks begin to set in much later.

 

In some cases, you might not even know that it is triggers that are causing you to go into a panic episode. Sometimes it seems as though you feel fear and anxiety for no reason at all. It can be a challenge to figure out what all of your triggers are, especially when you don’t want to have to admit the facts to yourself and face them. But once you learn what they are, you can start taking steps toward healing. It might help to know what things you need to avoid in order to stop having panic attacks and flashback. Then, with the help of your therapist and support from your friends and family, you can slowly learn how to overcome your triggers once and for all.

 

The best way to learn what your triggers are is to simply be observant. Take notice of when you begin to feel anxious and afraid. Where are you? Who are you with? What are you thinking about? These are the kinds of questions you should ask yourself. Once you do, reflect on the answers. Do any of them resemble something from your traumatic event in any way? If so, then you’ve probably found one of your triggers. If you’re still having a hard time trying to figure it all out on your own, your therapist should be there to help you determine your triggers, as well as help you overcome them.

 

What is PBSP and How Can It Help with PTSD?

There are many different ways to approach healing PTSD, but one of the commonalities about many of these different approaches is that they focus on the not just the mind, but also the body. The Pesso Boyden System Psychomotor (PBSP) approach is yet another one of them that does this. PBSP was created by Albert Pesso and Diane Boyden, two people who were professional dancers. They noticed that when they asked their dancers to try to express their emotions through physical movements, the dancers felt much better and relieved afterward.

 

Maybe we just have to let all of our emotions out of our system after all. The mind and body are more closely related than most of us realize, and there are many different ways to get your emotions out. Some of us feel better after simply talking or writing them out. Others might get relief from going for a run, punching a bag, doing yoga, or dancing around a room.

 

Sometimes though, none of that is good enough, and you might actually need to act out the scenario that is bothering you. The theory behind this approach is that the reason your memories keep haunting you is that you were never able to see the result or end. So what PBSP does is gives you an outlet where you can reenact all the potential scenarios of that past memory in a group acting setting. This can hopefully allow you to make peace with your traumatic experience and be able to move on from it.

 

Dancing and acting might not be able to solve all of your problems, but it can be a good mood booster and a fun place to start.

Sensorimotor Psychotherapy – Another Option for PTSD Healing

In one of the previous blogs, we talked about Somatic Experiencing (SE), where the focus is on what the physical body goes through after trauma. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is very similar to that as well. Sensorimotor functioning has to do with your senses and motor skills in your surrounding environment. When you have PTSD, your mind and body can react differently to certain sights, smells, sounds, tastes, and physical sensations. Sometimes this means that your body kicks into fight or flight mode, and other times you simply shut down and begin dissociating from everything and everyone around you. This can then really begin to mess with your head, making your thoughts turn foggy and erratic. Your emotions can become a complete mess too, and before you know it, you’re spiraling down into a horrendous panic episode.

 

The idea behind Sensorimotor Psychotherapy is to bring your physical body’s responses in line with your mental state so that instead of feeding off of each other and bringing on more panic, they mitigate each other and bring you to a place of ease, where you can appropriately deal with what’s in front of you and eventually and completely overcome your trauma once and for all.

 

Our thoughts hold a lot of power over us. If you think you can’t do something, then you won’t. If you don’t feel like you’re good enough, then you aren’t. It’s the same thing when it comes to your physical body. If you think you’re afraid, then your body is going to act like it is afraid. If you think you are helpless, then your body will act in this way too. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy will help you to recognize your negative and obtrusive thoughts so that you can stop allowing them to rule your life.

 

Positive thinking can go a long way in healing PTSD, and Sensorimotor Psychotherapy can help you to recognize your negative thoughts and turn them into positive ones. This is a great method for processing traumatic memories so you can learn to overcome them. This form of therapy was developed by Dr. Pat Ogden in the 1970s. She says that this approach uses a combination of strategies to help you heal, including neuroscience, the attachment theory, somatic and cognitive approaches, and what is known as the Hakomi Method.

 

The Hakomi Method is a form of therapy that focuses on mindfulness, loving-kindness, and empathy. These are things that everyone could benefit from, but especially those that are suffering from PTSD.

 

If you’d like to know more about the Sensorimotor Psychotherapy approach, Dr. Pat Ogden published a book on it that’s titled Sensorimotor Psychotherapy: Interventions for Trauma and Attachment. In it, it goes into detail about how and why it works. If you are unsure as to where to turn to next for getting your PTSD under control, you should check this out. Sensorimotor Psychotherapy just might be the best option for you.